Travelogue

Day 1

Humid



Day 2

Humid



Day3

Humid



well, I can go on and on and on about humidity... so let be simple. I just spent 8 days in ahouse not far from Biarritz . We (my sisters and I)were with our father, step mother, and grandmother. Dad, managed to squeeze the three of us in the attic of the house, a quite small place . But well we managed, with only a few bruise. The main problem was that I had to share the bedroom with my sister Oriane who is kind of a lunatic. .



So, we slept a lot, ate a lot, went on the beach where my other siter roxane was playing the "serene girl watching the sea"



We also went at the swimming pool. Mmmmh the lunatic stay at home watching TV, but sith the other sister, we had fun : swimming pool, hammam, jaccuzy, sauna, hammam swimming pool. And had good laugh. e.g Why some woman keep there make up (lipstick, eyeliner, powder, mascara,etc.... ) in a swimming pool ? it's a hopeless fight.

or why that guy in the hammam kept rinsing himself with those disinfecting water you are supposed to use on the floor. well, it's his skin after all.



All in all that was absolutely boring.



But....



I am an adult now... My dad respected me, he did not say anything bad, nor lowered me with critics.

And weirdly, my step mother did not look at me in the eyes. (went slightly pissed dat her coz she hates my lunatic sister, and shows it a bit too much for my taste)



That appart we stayed glued to the TV.

Je sais que tu viendras.

(Yslaire)



Tomorrow, I leave for my dad's house,in the South of France, or wherever it is. It will be boring. No mail, no e-mail, nothing. One week.

Endless.



I miss Manel. I wish I could just knok at his door, sit down on a chair, on the bed, on the floor , anywhere, and tease him all night long.





One week again, to drawn myself in a swimming pool.



But I am feeling good.



I was here for help, more than love. But, there will always be misunderstandings.

I was looking at something sweet, just a good pass time. And all I had was cold.

Should I print it in the Coventry Evening Telegraph ?

Nef, single, desesperately waiting for someone who will make her smile.

Nothing much.



(Or maybe just waiting for someone.)

See you in one week.

Be nice.

This is the end.

[20:29:25] Boyfriend: probably leave me alone for the time being nef

[20:29:33] Boyfriend: or we might spoil our relationship

[20:29:40] Boyfriend: since u r not understanding me





ok.

but... which relationship ?

falling away with you.

I can't remember when it was good

moments of happiness in bloom

maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind

watching our flash backs intertwine

memories I will never find

inspite of whatever you become

forget that reckless thing turned on

I think our lives have just begun

I think our lives have just begun



and I'll feel my world crumbling down

feel my life crumbling now

feel my soul crumbling away

falling away

falling away with you



staying awake to chase a dream

tasting the air you're breathing in

I hope I won't forgot a thing

I wish to hold you close and pray

watching our fantasies decay

nothing will ever stay the same

and all of the love we threw away

and all of the hopes we've cherished fade

making the same mistakes again

making the same mistakes again



and I'll feel my world crumbling down

feel my life crumbling now

feel my soul crumbling away

and falling away

falling away with you



all of the love we left behind

watching our flash backs intertwine

memories I will never find

memories I will never find



muse.

safety post.

one more time.

Bonjouuuur place d' Erlon

Well the place D'Erlon wasn't on my way, but anyway I am back in France; a bit tired. Time to go to bed. I'll tell you about my weird journey tomorrow

But before that I want to share with you all that mail I just received. Because I am clearly unable to reply to this. I actually don't get it.

well; read and maybe someone will be able to help that person. I give up on it.



Hi Nefisa,



Something about your website intrigued me. Something about you... I've been trying to find websites or people that make a more clear distinction bewteen "other people" and normal(?) people to show my wife - she doesn't believe me. I am neither normal or other - can you help me?



Shannon



well? sweet dreams....

feeling

♥♥♥what's the story again ?♥♥♥

The life in the house is a mess lately. I don't feel like talking about right now, but.. wel it's sort of a mini world war around here. asia and europe against africa. I just hate that.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

We had a nice Christmas dinner in the house. only 5 of us. but really nice. 6 when benji finally woke up to have a piece of that yummy chocolate cake. ( I baked it, and I do that bloody well ( autosatisfaction can't be a bad thing and nobody here will contradict me about the way I cook my chocolate cakes) )

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Well, I tried to get drunk with spanish and ?english? red wine. hopeless. gave up after 6 glasses.

Desesperate, I wished I had a TV in my bedroom.

Ten minutes after I had Benji's TV in front of my bedroom. Isn't life beautiful ?

After 3 months without TV I truly madly deeply enjoyed to wake up and have a piece of chocolate cake while watching Friends. Oh yes...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

In two days I am in the train, direction Rheims, France. I don't even remember where is my mum's new house since I visited it only once 6 months ago, when other people where still living here. Butwell, it might do anyway. I never thought I could be so eager and so scared at the same time to come back. It's only 2 weeks after all.

Well and I have no clue where is my father house since I never went. I'll see for Christmas.

Life is weird.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I haven't heard about boyfriend in ages, and well... he hasn't heard about me in ages as well.( or is it heard of ? anyway you get my point)

It is really bad, because it let's me room in my mind to think about someone. And shouldn't feed hopeless hopes. Should I ?



♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Ave Caesar... Morituri te salutant.

FRIDAY.

WEEK END written in huge red shiny letters all over you. You come late home and the radio in the street is playing some cheesy christmas song. Ad libitum. Two boys are dancing next to the christmas tree. funny.



In the lounge around midnight, you leave the sweet cocoon of your bed and The Lost world is lying upside down on the ground of the lounge... see you later my dear T-rex. Dirk is living tonight for Germany. At 4am. He must stay awake.

Shrek 1, nice.Five idiots squeezed on the armchairs arranged in two beds.Dirk leaves...

The ice age.. David laugh endlessly on the left.

Michael under the quilt next to you feeds you with twixs and finally fall fast asleep.



3am, you can't sleep... The lost World is your only company. At times better than 15 sleeping pills.



SATURDAY .

The busy street whispers around you : Christmas shopping, Christmas shopping.. you finally have no choice. With Sabrina, you jump from packed toy stores to amazing comics shops.. and walking between the shelves you admire those boxes of toys with the little girls covered with awful jewelry, their lovely faces tensed in an apoplectic fake smile. And those boys with those amazingly neat haircuts, and that same Barbie and Ken plastic smile.

You stay a long while watching the pseudo scientific toys.. remembering all those you had when a child... microscopes, little chemist kits, and so on.. you enjoyed it... and know you are taught how to play with people mind to make them buy those stuff. Nice.

You loved chemistry and physics so much you could have become someone useful. But maths hates you. That's it.



A while in the computer room. talking with your mom. Next to you, two guys in the empty room are kissing each other... you don't feel really at ease and leave...



9 o'clock, in the queue at the cinema, you are not aware yet that you are about to see the worse movie ever. Blade trinity.

12 o'clock... back home you are wondering again why you gave five quid to the ( cute ) cashier.. To see a main actor with two standard positions :

• impassibility
• *shrrrr look at my big teeth*

To *enjoy* a miserable scenario :

• Vampires are NOT light proof.
• Vampires do not have Metempsychosis powers.
• Vampires can't enter a house without having been invited to do so.

To be frustrated by the dialogue. The *funny* character of the movie had the worst american accent ever, and you are too used to midlands accent. But anyway, when by chance you caught a word, it was *ass* or *dick*. Did you miss that much ?

Back to the Lost world. Why do the birds chirp at 3 in the morning in UK ?

SUNDAY .

You sleep late and wake up to go to the library. You meet some friends to watch that mandatory movie for the International Human Resources Management module. Radio, featuring Cuba gooding junior. After a while you glance at the three other girls, they can't help sobbing and they snirfle all time long. You wish you had tears left for a movie.

You feel so weird today, your heart is like a bomb ready to explode. To much feelings that you don't even understand. You don't even know how to call them.

House party tonight. You spend the beginning fighting with Paul on the PS2... Once your Beast kills Paul's Wolverine you feel better. 5-4. You just needed to fight a bit.

The house is full of black people, pretty girls and ugly guys, they dance in the dark, blurred sexy shapes through the smoke of marijuana. You feel that typical ball of anxiety in your stomach. You just can't dance tonight.

And someone's staring at you, that blond guy with clear blue eyes and squarred glasses. You don't like his glance and you don't know why. After a while he comes and tells you a few words. you reply sharply and the feeling disapear. You were a prey. We haven't lost instinct. You can always feel the predators around. The guy with the vultures eyes ignores you now. The house is full of preys.

3am.Police.

Sick of the smell of marijuana, sick of the DJ, you climb the stairs and enjoy the almost silence. Some girls are screaming in the street. You read the last lines of The Lost World ,close the book, close your eyes. Not for long.

Someone knoks at your door. You open and the face of Herr Benjamin Nikolaus Lang appears, looking puzzled.

He falls on your bed, ask for cigarette. "I m totally fucked up, Nef, I don't remember what I did tonight, did I say anything I shouldn't have ? "

You won't tell him that he hugged you a bit longer than allowed by both our cultures and called you "ma chérie", you don't give a damn to that and, if you say, he will apologize during three hours. You just wanna sleep.

You just remind him a few things, he has not done much after all, and he goes away.

Your bed. The headphones and Muse very loud, because the girls are still screaming in the street, they sound like chickens.

You close your eyes, and riding Matthew Bellamy wild voice you dive in faded but wonderful memories.

Half dreaming half thinking of what is and what will never be.

50 minutes.

Well, it's 17.39 and I am waiting for midnight.... Not here, more in the East, so no problem, it's quite soon.



It's always 5 o'clock somewhere used to say Naghib, pushing the rewind button of the video player...To watch interview with a vampire for the 15 236 987 564 123 589th time.



I *might* be supposed to work.. But..Well it's Friday... Isn't it ? And I am way too hungry.



I neglect my French blog, it's really bad, but it always take me ages to type the accents...



So, let's try some clever thoughts. Or at least, let's stop random thinking.



I was thinking of calling a friend tonight. I asked him if he was okay for me to call. And well I had no replies. So I am not gonna call, since I am not sure he will like me to call him.



And now you think :Hey, what the heck of asking for permission to call a FRIEND. Since it's a friend.

I have no idea.

But with this particular one I always feel that I might disturb, or that it will be really awkward, of some nonsense of such sort.

Considering my cheeky (thank you Benji for this nice epithet), devilish behaviour, it's not the stuff I usually mind about. But there is special cases. Here is one.

I don't know why... But it's like that.

Or maybe I act this way because I can't take for granted the most valuable things.



*muuuuum, I am bored to sleep with my little brother.... * * but... My dear, you know we don't have money enough to buy a coffin...* (this interlude courtesy of my sister Roxane, thank you for your attention )



This raises another problem. I wouldn t mind to call him at 3 in the morning if I was sure I was valuable for him. And gosh... I have no clue about it.



Well I think it's all the problem of long distance relationships ( all kinds of relationships, friendship as well) When you can see people everyday, you don't have any problem to decipher most of your friends feelings-even if the friend in question is the type of guy who will hardly tell you a word about what he feels ( why, I don't know ; two solutions, you don't worth such confidence, or it's simply not in his habits ). But if you hardly see that friend more than one time a year, how the hell can you decipher body language ? gurgl...

Then you never know what hidden behind words. You can just guess. And I am really bad at guessing.

Or maybe I guess too much, which leads me to make a fool of myself.

God knows how often it happens ( look, just right now, I am...)

Just.







And I end up with an headache.

Why the hell am I soooooo complicated ??????



And then Manel's comes into the picture.. and tells me : you are obsessed.

YES.

( and in the background Vicky agreeds )

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

( hey guys, I just saved you from commenting ;))

It's about time now.

Have a great week end.

Flying bedside table

Take it in your face....





I am getting tired of the bedside table project... And it's not fuckin' written Catia V4 engineers on our forehead... We are in a business diploma, we are bloody future marketing manager assistants...

what miracles are they waiting for ?????



On the other hand I am not exploited 12 hours a day in a pakistani restaurant...



Mmmh... Lecture time. Have a nice week-end.

HEY SOMEONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRY AGAIN...

( I know what I'll send you for christmas ... :P )

The story of the boy who said "ich bin ewig" and dropped himself through the window.

I am sick

I hate the 8th of December.

And I hated the 7th more than ever. I spent yesterday afternoon in my bed. Unable to move a limb. And I had hallucinations. I was alone in the house, and I was scared to have a coma. I couldn't open my eyes and all those people who weren't really here kept coming next to the bed, patting me on the head and telling me their truth. And then I realized that my mind was ill. Very ill, to create such scary avatars of the people I love.



When I felt a bit better around 7pm, I had this obsession that I had to fix my old school bag if I wanted to feel better. Because the new one is an evil one. So did I. Until two in the morning I think. But I am not sure, because of the fever.



I thought that sewing was a safe and sane occupation. But, it's the most unhealthy ever.

Because my fingers don't need my brain to sew a straight line. And my brain wanders alone...



And I wondered :



How it would have feel if instead of celebrating the 9 anniversary of Maxime's death today I would be celebrating his 27 th birthday.

How is your life know ? Do you feel happy ? At last....



How does it feel to have a father next to you when you are a teenager? Is it as good as when you are a kid? Is it the same feeling at times, than when you felt asleep in the living room and he would slowly carry you in your bed, and kiss you and turn out the light, and you would know that he would stay a bit staring at you, and you would feel comfortable ?



Why since I know Joakim, each time I listen to Our Lady Peace I think of him ?



What would have happened if I would have stay this summer instead of kinda running away the way I did ?



I wonder how I wake up this morning. It took me 1.30 hrs to do what I usually do in 20 mins.

Xin gave me some tablets for my flu... Nice of him... I feel better now.

But it can't cure my brain.



I should have stay home. But I had a meting, and know I don't feel the strength to walk home again and go back to the uni at 4 for my 302LAE lesson ( aka : advanced business English ) .

I have nothing left to do. Even if I had, I could not.



Then excuse me but I write here. That's all I can do.



I wish I had my cat. When I feel bad, he knows and stays around. I love his quiet presence. Cats are the best listener. They can listen even when you are silent. And you feel better when they are next to you.



Two hours left....



Why can't I trust. I have lost trust years ago.. And I don't know why. I can love many people. But I can just give my trust to one.





Just checked my statistics, someone must have been really bored at work today... Lemon tea anyone ?



Well, better I give up... I am getting bored to write all that nonsense, so I imagine that only a few of you have been courageous enough to read the whole post.



Nobody's immortal. Take it for granted.

well I don´t have the picture of my party yet, but I let you admire that wonderful hat Manuel offered me. And no I am not drunk on the picture, that's my usual state. So I just let you guess how I look drunk and you´'ll check it yourself quite soon. Must say I had the best birthday party ever. One less thing to do before I am 30 :P 

22 things

Wow, even my father remembered my birthday ( I haven't heard from him
since I am in UK). A chance that checked my former e-mail box or I
wouldn't have known he wrote that 2 lines for me.
( gosh, even my uncle sent me a proper card....)
He could have call AT LEAST , it's my father after all. ( I am slightly pissed)
Well at least he sent a few words. It's not the case of everyone ( I
am more pissed at someone else).

Hey, Boyfriend offered me wonderful earings plus the clothes I already
knew he would offer me. They are really great.
( well, now, I have to wear earings)